It has been almost a year, a year since I lost a huge part of who I am, a year since I lost the ability to have babies. It HAS been a year since I miscarried our youngest angel. We have 6 children, 3 of whom are in heaven.
Monday, February 19, 2018
Saturday, August 5, 2017
Friday, July 7, 2017
Its not Fair, Is it?
From April 2017 ~
When you lose a baby inside of your womb, its not fair. When you do everything, and I mean everything right, for us even daily injections, its not fair. It HURTS so bad. For months and months. As the years pass and I reflect on the babies we have lost my heart still aches. Just a couple of months ago we lost a precious baby AGAIN. We were so full of joy, and then instant heartbreak. Someone who I value recently stated, -when we follow God our troubles will NOT vanish, instead shift our thinking from "why God" to Our troubles "Will have a purpose!" (Michael Butters 2017 indirect quote)- I choose to praise. I choose to find purpose. Through the last few years our family has not grown when WE want, my body often rejects precious life, however, we choose to find purpose and have been able to hold the hand of those who are struggling to grow their families, and we have been able to shine the love of Christ through it. Sometimes I still get angry and ask God why, or break down and sob, but I know God loves me and wants me to be real with him, and I am. Then HE dusts me off and places me on a course to touch lives. For some of us our ministry is not public, it is not preaching and music, for some of us it is the behind the scenes holding someone falling apart because their baby is gone, or holding a teenager who is pregnant with nowhere to go, looking past the unfairness of it all and into the eyes of our Savior who gives us grace to complete each day. Whatever you are going through, it has a future purpose, recognize that and don't miss your opportunities to shine the light in the dark.
When you lose a baby inside of your womb, its not fair. When you do everything, and I mean everything right, for us even daily injections, its not fair. It HURTS so bad. For months and months. As the years pass and I reflect on the babies we have lost my heart still aches. Just a couple of months ago we lost a precious baby AGAIN. We were so full of joy, and then instant heartbreak. Someone who I value recently stated, -when we follow God our troubles will NOT vanish, instead shift our thinking from "why God" to Our troubles "Will have a purpose!" (Michael Butters 2017 indirect quote)- I choose to praise. I choose to find purpose. Through the last few years our family has not grown when WE want, my body often rejects precious life, however, we choose to find purpose and have been able to hold the hand of those who are struggling to grow their families, and we have been able to shine the love of Christ through it. Sometimes I still get angry and ask God why, or break down and sob, but I know God loves me and wants me to be real with him, and I am. Then HE dusts me off and places me on a course to touch lives. For some of us our ministry is not public, it is not preaching and music, for some of us it is the behind the scenes holding someone falling apart because their baby is gone, or holding a teenager who is pregnant with nowhere to go, looking past the unfairness of it all and into the eyes of our Savior who gives us grace to complete each day. Whatever you are going through, it has a future purpose, recognize that and don't miss your opportunities to shine the light in the dark.
Friday, June 12, 2015
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
The Power of the Test
Wow, so much in life has happened! I have not blogged in awhile, but I wanted to update this as much for myself as for you.
Friday, August 22, 2014
What's wrong with the Wilson and Brown Stories
It's time for someone to stand up and say enough is enough. The whole world is going crazy, and here in the USA we are no different. We have lost sight of what is important, what we stand for and most of all we have forgotten to love our neighbors. Darren Wilson and Michael Brown are prime examples of this.
Web Site
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Friday, June 20, 2014
O2 Laparoscopy Surgery Day
The sun is rising, casting a beautiful orange glow across the morning sky. I load the kids in the car and tell my hubby I will drive. You see today is surgery day, and driving is the one thing in this day I can control. I am nervous. I keep reminding myself that Jesus is my rock, and in Him will I trust. I keep having this awful thought that maybe I will die and then my children will be motherless. I am scared. Stiff.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
The Visit
This will be short, before my surgery I had an appt with my OBGYN for my yearly, (which went well) I let him know I was very nervous about the upcoming surgery, I have never been put out before, I had a C-section several years ago, but was awake and had no time to prepare or be nervous.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Pre-Op
Alright, so I had my laparoscopy surgery last Friday, I want to tell you all about my pre-op experience, then the surgery and then the recovery (I am still in that phase). So this will be broken into a few posts.
My OBGYN does the surgery via a laser and he performs the surgeries at Oklahoma Surgical Hospital. An amazing place, I swear everyone that works there has to go to charm school.
My OBGYN does the surgery via a laser and he performs the surgeries at Oklahoma Surgical Hospital. An amazing place, I swear everyone that works there has to go to charm school.
Friday, May 23, 2014
To TTC or not to TTC
To be or not to be.... that is the question.... I feel as though I am making a decision on borrowed time. So many thoughts swirl through my head and emotions in my heart. Warning this post is just ramblings as I sort the thoughts in my head and heart. It helps to get them out. Maybe someone out there gets it?
Thursday, May 8, 2014
The News My OBGYN Broke to Me
Well, this post is written with a sad heart..... I have been having a lot of pain in my uterine area, since October really. I have a lot of weird symptoms which I will list for you.....some graphic detail...
Friday, March 28, 2014
It is all about me.....
"For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world." NLT
1 John 2:16
"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world." KJV
1 John 2:16
"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world." KJV
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Cute Movies: Huge Exposure to Sin
Well I thought I would write a blog about this in order to show another side to movies and fairy tales that we are often blind to. I made a post on my Facebook about being disappointed in Focus on the Family, for a movie review that made the statement at the end "Frozen is then, perhaps, family entertainment for the new generation" (pluggedin.com).
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Potty Training Kit
Why in the world have potty training kits not been invented for moms to buy? I am putting together a kit for my little guy for when he runs around with me. I wonder how many people would buy one..... hmmm...a new business idea?
I am thinking a cute backpack with pullups, stickers, M&Ms, a fold up seat, Kandoo wipes, extra pants, a small book, along with enough room for an extra paci, fruit snacks, tissue and my wallet and cell phone. A toddler diaper bag!
Thoughts? What am I missing?
I am thinking a cute backpack with pullups, stickers, M&Ms, a fold up seat, Kandoo wipes, extra pants, a small book, along with enough room for an extra paci, fruit snacks, tissue and my wallet and cell phone. A toddler diaper bag!
Thoughts? What am I missing?
Monday, December 23, 2013
Dear Stay at Home Mom
Dear stay at home mom,
I am the sister and friend of many stay at home moms, all of whom I love dearly. I understand how hard it is, I know that you look at working away from home moms and envy us at times because we get out of the house, we dress up, we get adult interaction, we can stop in the store for milk on our way home without a child or five. I also see and know how proud you are to stay at home, how that is your hearts desire, how much you love and adore your children, I see the great satisfaction it brings you to take care of your children and be with them all the time. Us working moms know these things we see it.
Here is a little insight into the working mom, and please note when I say working mom I mean a mom who works away from home, I know stay at home moms work really hard too! We do get out of the house, that is true. We drop our children off with a daycare and we hope and pray all day long that the person caring for our children is good to them. For me we prayed about it and without even trying God brought us a most precious couple to keep Jaxon, they love him so. And of course Cheyenne is in school. Anyway, we drop our babies off, and we miss them, terribly, in fact at times we envy YOU because you get to have your babies all day long! You don't know how our hearts feel when we leave our children, we literally leave our hearts behind and go half empty to work at that job that fulfills another part of our being. Dressing up, this one is quite a hoot, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have shown up at work clean! I always find snot on my shirt, or oatmeal, milk, you name it. I generally have a pacifier in my pocket, which my students think is funny when I discover it and pull it out. My hair is never perfect, I have kids in the bathroom with me in the morning and sometimes I find I've put my underwear on backwards or a shirt inside out. We envy you, the mom who can stay in her PJs all day if there is no where to go. We do get to interact with adults, but let me tell you, adults are worse then talking to kids all day. Most of them are over grown babies. That is just reality. Not to mention the boss that we have to please, and in my line of work I spend my day pleasing parents, the state, the district, kids, co-workers, a boss and so forth.
When I get off work getting milk without a child is not a pleasure, in fact I rush through it as fast as I can because I cannot wait to hold my children. When I get home I make supper for my family, we eat out rarely, usually only on birthdays or if we are out of town. I cook food every night generally from scratch, hardly ever out of a box. I do homework with my daughter, I get things ready for the next day and make lunches for everyone to take. I too have the responsibility to go to the grocery store and run errands. I am blessed to have a husband that helps out and allows me to shop without my children if I desire. I go during nap time on Saturdays Or early in the morning before the children rise. We make a family trip out of going to SAMs Club. I say this to say, we are tired too! We understand!
The main purpose of this letter is to tell you that we get it, we understand that you need a break sometimes. but we cannot read your minds! If you need a break, or a date with your husband ASK us to watch your kids! We don't stay home all day but we are still mothers and we can keep your child alive and have fun with them while you are gone. Maybe you are to proud to ask, so let me ask you this, what does the Word say about pride? It doesn't mean you are a failure to ask for help or for some adult company or for a date babysitter! If I am your friend, then I love your kids! As a working mom I get the need for a break, I have had a date with my husband one time this year, ONCE. We are just as busy, we have tons of family time, we do not do extra curricular activities because we cherish our family time. I would be soooo happy to trade you date nights, taking turns with each other's kiddos. Please don't wait for us to offer, because chances are we never will, not because we don't care but because we assume everything is great and you have grandparents or other people giving you a break. Just ASK. Ask us, tell us you need a break and we will be there. We have your back.
To sum this up into the main point is this, no matter if we stay at home or work we should all have each others back in this thing called motherhood. We are in this together, no matter how we choose to go about doing it and we need to learn to be honest and ask for help, share our help, and encourage one another. Stay at home mom, send a working mom a note of encouragement, we need it too. Working moms, likewise, send a stay at home mom a note of encouragement, she needs it.
I am the sister and friend of many stay at home moms, all of whom I love dearly. I understand how hard it is, I know that you look at working away from home moms and envy us at times because we get out of the house, we dress up, we get adult interaction, we can stop in the store for milk on our way home without a child or five. I also see and know how proud you are to stay at home, how that is your hearts desire, how much you love and adore your children, I see the great satisfaction it brings you to take care of your children and be with them all the time. Us working moms know these things we see it.
Here is a little insight into the working mom, and please note when I say working mom I mean a mom who works away from home, I know stay at home moms work really hard too! We do get out of the house, that is true. We drop our children off with a daycare and we hope and pray all day long that the person caring for our children is good to them. For me we prayed about it and without even trying God brought us a most precious couple to keep Jaxon, they love him so. And of course Cheyenne is in school. Anyway, we drop our babies off, and we miss them, terribly, in fact at times we envy YOU because you get to have your babies all day long! You don't know how our hearts feel when we leave our children, we literally leave our hearts behind and go half empty to work at that job that fulfills another part of our being. Dressing up, this one is quite a hoot, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have shown up at work clean! I always find snot on my shirt, or oatmeal, milk, you name it. I generally have a pacifier in my pocket, which my students think is funny when I discover it and pull it out. My hair is never perfect, I have kids in the bathroom with me in the morning and sometimes I find I've put my underwear on backwards or a shirt inside out. We envy you, the mom who can stay in her PJs all day if there is no where to go. We do get to interact with adults, but let me tell you, adults are worse then talking to kids all day. Most of them are over grown babies. That is just reality. Not to mention the boss that we have to please, and in my line of work I spend my day pleasing parents, the state, the district, kids, co-workers, a boss and so forth.
When I get off work getting milk without a child is not a pleasure, in fact I rush through it as fast as I can because I cannot wait to hold my children. When I get home I make supper for my family, we eat out rarely, usually only on birthdays or if we are out of town. I cook food every night generally from scratch, hardly ever out of a box. I do homework with my daughter, I get things ready for the next day and make lunches for everyone to take. I too have the responsibility to go to the grocery store and run errands. I am blessed to have a husband that helps out and allows me to shop without my children if I desire. I go during nap time on Saturdays Or early in the morning before the children rise. We make a family trip out of going to SAMs Club. I say this to say, we are tired too! We understand!
The main purpose of this letter is to tell you that we get it, we understand that you need a break sometimes. but we cannot read your minds! If you need a break, or a date with your husband ASK us to watch your kids! We don't stay home all day but we are still mothers and we can keep your child alive and have fun with them while you are gone. Maybe you are to proud to ask, so let me ask you this, what does the Word say about pride? It doesn't mean you are a failure to ask for help or for some adult company or for a date babysitter! If I am your friend, then I love your kids! As a working mom I get the need for a break, I have had a date with my husband one time this year, ONCE. We are just as busy, we have tons of family time, we do not do extra curricular activities because we cherish our family time. I would be soooo happy to trade you date nights, taking turns with each other's kiddos. Please don't wait for us to offer, because chances are we never will, not because we don't care but because we assume everything is great and you have grandparents or other people giving you a break. Just ASK. Ask us, tell us you need a break and we will be there. We have your back.
To sum this up into the main point is this, no matter if we stay at home or work we should all have each others back in this thing called motherhood. We are in this together, no matter how we choose to go about doing it and we need to learn to be honest and ask for help, share our help, and encourage one another. Stay at home mom, send a working mom a note of encouragement, we need it too. Working moms, likewise, send a stay at home mom a note of encouragement, she needs it.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Driven to My Knees
Today, December 19th 2013 I am driven to my knees, so many emotions swirl through my heart and mind, I am overcome, overcome with sheer gratitude. I cannot help but get on my knees to praise my Savior on this day. After so much sadness and pain today I get to celebrate my baby boy's 2 year birthday....
Monday, November 25, 2013
Mommytition
Competition spelled.....MOMMYtition...... as mommy's many times it seems everyone around us can do it better, bigger and faster. I don't know about you but I cannot keep up. I have a confession, an un-Christ like confession.
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