The News My OBGYN Broke to Me

Well, this post is written with a sad heart.....  I have been having a lot of pain in my uterine area, since October really. I have a lot of weird symptoms which I will list for you.....some graphic detail...

So since October of 2013 all of these things have gotten worse; it started with heavier periods, major clotting, small and large, some the size of large prunes. A lot of pain was involved.
My hair began to fall out, everywhere all of the time, so I had my hair expert sister (she is a cosmetologist) look at my hair, and sure enough it was falling out by the roots.... ugh!
I begin to become moody, almost mean, I cannot lose weight, hot flashes and then cold chills, a heavy feeling in my uterine area, sharp pain through my pelvic bones and legs.
So March rolls around and I decide I better call the OBGYN (I will call him Dr. T) and find out what is wrong with me, I have done a lot of research by this point and of course I played Dr. Google and Web MD has me convinced I have cancer. Before I went in to see him I created him a spreadsheet with my cycle information and made him a list of all of my symptoms. So I march in and hand him this list:

Tired
Dizzy
Weight Gain then loss
BAD Cramping
Clots dime to prune size
Hair falling out by root
Dry Skin
Migraines
Night Early Morning Sweats
Daytime Chills
Moody (MEAN)
Brown Spotting days before period and after
Bleed through pad or tampon every hour
Sharp pain in pelvic area
Awful gurgling in whole tummy, and under ribs VERY painful

He looked at me and said "so is anything wrong with you?" HAHA! 

Ok so he did an exam and right away he figured out what is wrong with me, I have a disease called Adenomyosis Uteri, basically a very bad form of Endometriosis. There is no cure for it, the only cure is a hysterectomy. 

It is not a life threatening issue, Dr. T asked me if I wanted more children, I told him yes in about 2 years when my son is 4. He said, "if you wait two more years you will be in so much pain you will say screw having another baby just make the pain stop" and the thing is I think he is right because since Oct. my pain has gotten worse every month. So bad that I have to sit down while I teach my students, which I hate doing. I want to stand up and be interactive with them. 

Dr. T told me that he needed me to start trying to get pregnant within the next month or two, or talk to my hubby and decide when. If I wanted to wait a bit he would do a laparoscopy to remove my lining and thus buy me more time and hopefully get me out of SOME of the pain. 

So we have to decide if we want to proceed with getting pregnant or not, we did decide to do the lap in early June after school is out, then we will go from there. Please be in prayer that we make a good choice. I will blog about that decision process later on. 

I am sad. Most people will not understand why, I dostill have the chance to have a baby if I want one.  I am simply mourning the fact that something that has been a huge part of my life for so many years. Those of you that know me, know that my world has revolved around fertility, helping women get pregnant, research, trying myself, I ADORE being pregnant and nursing, I could be pregnant forever and be sooo happy, in fact Dr. T pregnancy will likely make me feel better and this condition will not affect pregnancy or birth in any way. I love that part of life, and the fertility part of life that I love so much is going to be taken from me. Way to early. The option to ever have another child will be gone. Forever. 

I suppose I need to check into egg donation.... I am like to old to donate them.... (31)

Oh, I know I can adopt! And we will foster teens one day! That is not the point, the point is a part of me and the life I lead will change, I am mourning the loss of one thing. I do have 2 beautiful children, I can continue helping women, yes indeed. Part of what makes me a woman will be gone. There is no explaining it unless you have lost a part of yourself like this, or even lost a pregnancy or the ability to have a baby, naturally, if you haven't had trouble in these areas you won't understand, and that's okay, no woman should never HAVE to understand this.  

This is long enough for now. I will post as things unfold and as life takes me where it needs to go, God has me in His hands and when I cry I know He holds me.