From April 2017 ~
When you lose a baby inside of your womb, its not fair. When you do everything, and I mean everything right, for us even daily injections, its not fair. It HURTS so bad. For months and months. As the years pass and I reflect on the babies we have lost my heart still aches. Just a couple of months ago we lost a precious baby AGAIN. We were so full of joy, and then instant heartbreak. Someone who I value recently stated, -when we follow God our troubles will NOT vanish, instead shift our thinking from "why God" to Our troubles "Will have a purpose!" (Michael Butters 2017 indirect quote)- I choose to praise. I choose to find purpose. Through the last few years our family has not grown when WE want, my body often rejects precious life, however, we choose to find purpose and have been able to hold the hand of those who are struggling to grow their families, and we have been able to shine the love of Christ through it. Sometimes I still get angry and ask God why, or break down and sob, but I know God loves me and wants me to be real with him, and I am. Then HE dusts me off and places me on a course to touch lives. For some of us our ministry is not public, it is not preaching and music, for some of us it is the behind the scenes holding someone falling apart because their baby is gone, or holding a teenager who is pregnant with nowhere to go, looking past the unfairness of it all and into the eyes of our Savior who gives us grace to complete each day. Whatever you are going through, it has a future purpose, recognize that and don't miss your opportunities to shine the light in the dark.