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Thursday, December 19, 2013

Driven to My Knees

Today, December 19th 2013 I am driven to my knees, so many emotions swirl through my heart and mind, I am overcome, overcome with sheer gratitude. I cannot help but get on my knees to praise my Savior on this day. After so much sadness and pain today I get to celebrate my baby boy's 2 year birthday....
Happy 2nd  Birthday to my Jaxon! What a sweet boy he is turning out to be! He talks so well, his little voice reminds me of my nephew Nathan especially when he says OUCH! Its a new word for him. He is starting to form sentences really well and is becoming more independent everyday. It is truly bittersweet.
The purpose for this post is one to re-live the memories that cause so many emotions today. When one goes through loss one feels so alone, yet looking back I can clearly see the people that God placed in certain positions for the exact right time we needed them. We were surrounded.
 When we first started trying to have a baby we were so excited, so innocent. Our first positive test we couldn't wait to tell our dear family Andy and Jackye two of the most beautiful people that had become surrogate parents to us and mentors in Christ. We rushed over to tell them and had many hugs and laughs. Life was really good. Until the other shoe dropped and we were told we were losing our baby. This was one of the darkest times in my life. Our pregnancy innocence was shattered, forever. Never again would we look at a pee test with sheer bliss, it would always come with a small amount of fear. When we received the news that we had lost the baby Andy and Jackye rushed over as soon as work was over and held us, cried with us, prayed with us and brought food to feed my husband and daughter. I will never forget nor will I stop being thankful that God provided them to us during that dark time. Without them I would have forgotten to continue to praise. They helped us to heal. Through another loss, and a pregnancy with Jaxon full of medical worry, daily shots, and a few scares, they were there. Steadfast and strong in faith.
Along the way I had a few friends that held me up every step and never got tired of us crying, praying, dreaming, (and peeing on things...) Jules, Shannon, Cathy, D, Monna Rae, Lance, and Jeff's friend Miller, my dearest of dear friends, oh how we love them. And all my rainbow and cookie gals, you know who you are.

Fast forward to December 19, 2011. The day of the birth of my son. Frannie who I have not mentioned yet, one of my dearest gals, was there, she walked us through the birth, literally holding my hand....see the bruise?

My sisters were there to help and calm my fears. I felt as though through the whole pregnancy I was holding my breath, waiting for bad news at any moment. I tried so hard to have faith, but here is the beauty in that. When my faith was weak,  all of the people I have mentioned were strong FOR US. They stood in the gap full of faith, full of love, and did battle for us through prayer.
Just minutes after my son was born our brother Chris came in and he asked to pray over our little guy, that was the most beautiful moment of his whole birth. I had this precious baby in my arms that I could see, touch, smell, kiss and best of all PRAY OVER! Chris proclaimed him to belong to God, he thanked the Lord for allowing us to have the opportunity to take care of this child, and prayed Gods blessings over him and our family. People, it doesn't get any more beautiful than that. Every child that we love or know belongs to God, and He has entrusted US, wow US to take care of that little one, to lead and direct it, to train that child up in Him. What an amazing privilege we have been given. And I don't mean just the ones we call our own children, I mean nephews and nieces, students and cousins, whatever little child you cross paths with.
Anyway, this is getting long,  There is no way possible to mention every person here that was there for us, to all of the people in our lives we are so blessed by you and thankful to have you.
And to my King, my Lord, I am driven to my knees by Your wondrous blessings, I look into the face of this little boy and my heart is so full of joy and thankfulness and cannot contain it. My small daughter and my small son make this life so full. And all because of You my Lord. Never will I forget the pain, and never will I forget the rainbow journey I have traveled. Praise the Lord!


  1. Happy birthday to your two year old. Your post made me smile today, and I needed that, thank you.

  2. I am so glad it made you smile!

  3. A great, positive post! New reader from ICLW (#19)

  4. Hi from ICLW. Happy Birthday to your boy.

  5. hello from ICLW! Happy Birthday to your sweet boy!!

  6. What a beautiful post. So happy for you and glad how things turned out. God is good!

  7. hi from iclw! I love this post!!! Happy birthday to your sweet boy!!!