Brought this over from my other blog, written this past spring:
I have never been much for the Oklahoma great outdoors, the heat is so great and heavy. When I was young I got heatstroke a few times and that really ruined my love of the sunshine along with other childhood memories, many of which give me an emotional bad reaction to the sunshine. For years I could not open up my windows to let the breeze and sunlight in. Due to horrible memories you can forget about opening windows and spraying Lysol or Pinesol, I become emotionally unstable if someone mixes those smells. I prefer rain! When the rain is warm, it is time to go outside and play and I open windows then! Harmful emotional associations are a powerful thing!
But I have been very intentional about getting outside with my Hubby and the kiddos lately because it is important to them. My sister, who grew up like I did, has helped me in this, she has been there to hold my hand while I open up windows and let a fresh sunny breeze blow through my home, she has taught me to see the world through the eyes of a precious little boy. And that I have. The whole world changes when I stop and see things from my little boys eyes, the dirt, the bugs, the wind, the grass, rocks.... now rocks are a great thing, they serve so many purposes, the favorite one right now is to go SPLASH in the dogs water bowl!
In learning to see the sunny outside world through the eyes of a small boy, I am learning to see the world through the eyes of my husband. He has a great love of the outside, and really is a child at heart. He loves to romp and play, search for hidden treasure, hunt for just the right rock, garden and so on.
I see my little girl standing outside in the wind with her hair blowing all around, singing and pretending to be a princess. Memories flood back to me, when we lived in Montana as older children I would stand out on our deck and sing praises to the Lord, I would pretend like I was famous or a princess, what a great imagination I had then!
My point, some things in life are really hard to overcome, what may seem silly to others may be a feeling of devastation to one person. Sunshine has had the ability to make me feel utter devastation and worthlessness. But little by little day by day as the spring goes on and the flowers bloom I am taking one baby step at a time to embrace the sun, to love the warmth it provides, and with Christ and a family that loves me I have broken free of that bond. This last Sunday I actually couldn't wait to get outside with my children and play and finish planting our garden. My husband was proud of me for staying outside for so long. I fall down on my knees and worship that my Savior by grace has helped me to overcome the power of the enemy.