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Thursday, April 21, 2011


I sit here in tears and in prayer, full of thoughts. I have this friend, she wants a baby more then anything in the world, but yet her and DH deal with male infertility. My heart aches. I feel almost guilty, I won't lie I get preggo easy, I just can't keep the babies in me. I know its not my job feel guilty, but I love her and I want her to lose her breath at the sight of a BFP and experience the wonder of it all like I can.  She has undergone IVF that failed her, and is gearing up to do it again. In all the miserable months TTC not one bfp, hope slowly faded, than was renewed by IVF, only to be dashed, yet again hope springs alive and many prayers are going up. Some of us were joking that this time she would get a BFP and would be able to look at it and say checkmate since it would be the fist bfp and the beginning of her miracle, the end of the strategy game! I have this left over digital test that I am going to send her with that word written on it. I sit here with it in my hand begging God to let this be the test that fills her heart with joy unspeakable, and my eyes fill with tears, and I ask God why, why can't she have her checkmate. She is a good girl, her husband is so loving and kind, she wants to bear him a child, is that to much to ask? I am reminded of Hannah and Sarah in the Bible both barren yet both got their babies from the Lord, He saw fit to bless them, not through adoption but through their very own wombs. I think; Lord if you could do that then, can't you do that now? Oh YES adoption is a WONDERFUL thing, no denying that, but in this case I am talking about her womb. I would give almost anything to see her become a mother, I wish I could make sperm cause I'd just mail her some, yes yes its more complicated than that but you know what I mean!
I ramble about this because it leads me to the realization for all of us that struggle with fertility issues, we become locked into our own little worlds full of grief, hope, fear, anger and so on, often forgetting that the man or woman walking next to us may be dealing with one of the most heartbreaking things of their life: infertility.
For all of us, lets take a moment of our day to say a prayer for or drop a note to that person in our life that suffers in silence, holding other peoples babies, going to showers, seeing announcements on Facebook, and on the list goes, take a moment to say I CARE. And may CHECKMATE come for us all!


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  2. I love this post and it makes me think about all you have done for me during my pregnancies and I wanted you to know how much I appreciate it all. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. xoxo

  3. So sweet for you to be so concerned about your friend. Your pain is just as real, though. You may not have problems getting pregnant, but to not be able to carry to term must be just as devastating! I hope both you and your friend achieve that dream this year!

  4. Hi, I'm here from ICLW. So sorry to hear about your friend, I cannot imagine having a failed IVF, having failed cycles for a year with clomid/femara was tough enough! Preying she gets to say checkmate soon!

  5. Yikes Sam! That would be brutal! I am so sorry for the pain you have been through!

  6. Beautiful post. Be there for her it's going to be worth more than you can imagine.
    Love, Fran

    ICLW #131

  7. Thanks Jen..I hope it works!

    and it's unfortunately not just miserable months ttc, but YEARS. Thanks for the test, I will definitely utilize it.